1.14.09: been there, done that

warning: this gratitude post may be a bit of a downer. i just found out that one of my good friends and former collegaue's husband has colon cancer. he's in his 30s, in amazing health, and the news has come as quite a shock. they're taking it well and staying positive as he goes through the initial surgery to remove the tumor to find out what stage the cancer is at, but i'm sure all the good vibes you can send them and their three little kids would help. i've been thinking about them so much recently and remembering how pivotal that moment is when you find out that someone you love more than anything in the world has cancer... it's like all the minutes of your life line up before that moment or after it. what i'm grateful for today, then, is that i am free of that gnawing mix of worry and fear and hope and faith that churns around in you every day after you find out. this may sound completely morbid, but one of the feelings i had after my mom died was one of relief... as much as i would do anything to have had the conclusion to that whole episode be different, i am so grateful to be at this stage of the grief rather than back at the beginning where everything is so raw and uncertain and confusing. i have a lot of confidence that he will beat this, but my heart breaks for their family knowing that even as strong and close as they are they will be put through the ringer. i think i can even say that i've been grateful for that ringer. and, of course, more than anything i am grateful for the time i had with my mom and my family which was beyond words wonderful.

(sarah is on the left - this was taken on my last day of school in 2005)

p.s. does anyone know why my windows are completely frosted over? it looks like i'm trapped in a mr.freeze ice cube.