i got friends in high places...

the 27th floor of a condo building on the lower west side of manhattan, actually, just a few blocks from the stock exchange and the WTC site. here's the view from his spacious studio:

i'm incredibly lucky the view is so gorgeous since i'm tied to the computer all day today to finish my paper for london. i'm tempted to take another nap on the rooftop skydeck, though... the view there is even more impressive - you can see all the way south to the harbor and the hudson river as well as all the way north over "the pit" and towards the empire state building. i counted 15 cranes at work on the new tower and memorial site. last night, some friends went out to stone street (a cobblestone street with tables where traffic would be right in the heart of the financial district) and then watched fireworks from the roof. maybe practicing for the 4th of july? no one was sure, but i was overjoyed to see the show since i'll be gone in july.

this morning i ran along the river up into "highline park" (a park built onto an abandoned elevated rail line) and then over to terri, a restaurant that serves gluten-free wraps and sandwiches. delicious! on my long walk back, i worked my way through chelsea, greenwich village, soho and tribeca before walking through two churches just next to the WTC site: st.paul's chapel which is right across the street and was where people hung pictures and mementos of loved ones lost after september 11 and is the only colonial building left in new york - george washington prayed his inauguration. the place was crammed full of tourists walking through the building to see exhibits from the weeks after the attacks. i don't know why exactly, but it bothered me to see tour guides and people taking pictures. it seemed tacky somehow - like not the way you should treat a sacred space. trinity church, just down the street, has a Revolutionary War era cemetery and is where Alexander Hamilton (my historical crush) is buried. tonight, paul and his boyfriend prad are going to dinner with me at a pizza place that is totally gluten-free and then tomorrow i leave for london after a lunch stop in brooklyn to see zena.

there is so much to see and do in new york, but i've been grateful to have to rely on less touristy moments to get my fix while i work to get the paper done.

blessings in disguise

i know there are lots of cliches about how people know they're getting older, but i've definitely been feeling one quite strongly lately and that is the joy of being home. i have always loved to travel and likely will always have at least a dash of wanderlust flowing through my veins, yet my tolerance for back-and-forth jostling-without-stopping has rapidly diminished in the past couple of years. commuting every week to chicago has no doubt contributed to this. though i was incredibly happy to have more time with windy city family and friends, sitting in rush hour traffic or inching past construction as the left side of my body burns into a "driver's side tan" is not really how i want to spend my days.

i'm never going to like that kind of commute. and i do definitely want to be home more than i am. but as my summer gears up (one international trip down, two to go), i want to remember about how seemingly frustrating and awful situations can sometimes be absolutely incredible blessings in disguises. and, even when they're not, isn't it better to have the hope that they will be?

take this story from my recent trip to toronto with friends to visit one of our buddies who just graduated and returned to her native land. we were out and about on our second night there - ate at a great restaurant, had a few delicious cocktails, and then got a ride home in a taxi where my wallet decided not to fall back into my purse but instead onto the cab's floor after supplying money for the fare. i had no idea this happened until i woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed the next morning to check email. a random man had sent me a message telling me he had found my wallet on the street and that he would leave it for me at his condo's front desk if it was mine. i couldn't believe it - his email had been sent not even a half hour after we had gotten home. i had no idea my wallet was even missing. convinced that it was a close call and nothing more, we enjoyed our day in the city and picked up the wallet after lunch. alas. though all of my bank cards and licenses and library cards and $5 coupons to tex tubb's were there, the $100 i had in a side pocket was gone. i got worried that whoever had taken it could easily have written down the numbers of my credit cards, so i called the banks and was relieved to find that no charges had been made to my account since the loss.

oh, but there had been many charges made in the week prior. many, many charges. for hotel rooms in san francisco. for $3000. that's three zeroes after that three. my bank has been amazing in filing a claim, reversing the charges, and starting an investigation so i'm not worried about getting the money back. i wasn't frustrated or even that angry about the theft (though i am a bit jealous - i've never been to san francisco and the hotels are way nicer than anything i would stay in). mostly, i am shocked and relieved and amazed and almost giddy about how serendipitous the whole event was. think about it: if i hadn't left my wallet in the cab and if some random drunk dude hadn't taken the cash in it before tossing it out and if some other more honest drunk dude hadn't picked it up to return to me and i hadn't called my bank, i wouldn't have figured out that i was being e-robbed 21st-century style until i was in london or kampala standing in front of an ATM wondering where all my money had gone and how the heck i was going to get anywhere. i found out exactly when i needed to so i could fix the problem without any trouble and have time to get all the cards replaced before my trip.

so thank you, drunk dude with my $100. what could have ruined my trip to toronto ended up saving my trips to london and uganda. there is a good life lesson there to remember as i'm sitting in traffic or, in the coming weeks, crammed into a stiff plane seat or grumpy about some inconvenience or discomfort or misfortune that comes my way. maybe that's another cliche about getting older - realizing that things aren't always what they seem. i'm not sure i've totally grown into that adage yet... even more than understanding that something bad might be good and vice versa, i still believe that things usually turn out great if you just wait long enough to see it through. i'd still rather see blessings than curses in disguise.

oh, lois

I've been meaning to post this for awhile, but have had such a busy couple of months that my blog is in a rather sorry state of neglect. As of April 5, Lois the cat is no longer with us and I think a blog post in her honor is the least I can do.

I never had a pet before Lois. I don't think Shadow the cat counts, really, since he only lived with us for a couple of months before mysteriously leaving with my dad one day in a haze of scratched skin and broken ceiling panels. Mourn him we did not. But sweet, sweet Lois we do. Anyone who met her can attest that she was a very, very special creature. Will I miss the cat hair everywhere or cleaning the carpet after her rapidly increasing accidents or the funky odor I can't seem to get out of the corner of the room? No. Will I miss dropping a fat stack of cash at the vet's each month for unexpected medical bills and special gluten-free cat food? No. Will I miss not being able to have friends over because of their allergies? No. But I will miss the way she would jump up on the bed to snuggle at my feet every night and the way she would purposefully bump her head on the coffee table and the way she would always sit on the one sheet of paper I would need and the way she would come get me for bed about 10pm every night and the way she would wait patiently at the screen door for me to let her out so we could sit together in the sun.

More than anything, I learned from Lois that language is way overrated (funny thing to write in a blog, eh?). Here was this little being who loved me and who I loved yet we could never speak to each other (though I still catch myself saying goodbye to her when I leave the house). She knew me and I knew her without using any words. She comforted me and I comforted her without any talking. By having a relationship without any language, I learned to listen and to be patient and to not always need to analyze everything to death. I am a better person because of a cat. If that makes me a cat lady, so be it. She will be missed.

post 100 - better be a good one!

And I think it is. Meet Evan.


He is my boyfriend and I adore him. We met last semester when I was his TA - he asked me on a date the minute after class ended and kept patiently asking me out until I finally wised up in mid-March. After officially dating for a couple of months, the vast majority of our pictures are with funny faces or dressed absurdly, which I think bodes well for us. This was taken a few weekends ago when we drove back home with Abbey for the ovarian cancer walk. We jammed more into a 20-hour trip than should be possible: sing-a-long birthday party with Kevin, Yvonne, Dad, and Karen at a piano bar (where Abbey stole the show in a breakout egg shaker performance)... 3 mile walk through Raccoon River Valley Park with Hendersons, Abbases (including Grandma Shirley), Ed & Su and my junior high school friend Mandy... brunch at Hy-Vee with the fam, Adam, Linda, Julia, Yvonne, and her mom... a tour of the city including Sec Taylor stadium and South of Grand... a stop by Karen's parents' house... a nap... a round of card games... and a grilled quesadilla dinner whipped up by a proud papa. Needless to say, he was a hit with everyone and a great sport about the whirlwind Des Moines experience.

He just left today for a 10-week stint in Uganda with a day layover in Dubai. He's on his way to student teach in Kasese, a town of about 50,000 people on the border of the DRC just south of Queen Victoria National Park. He is a great writer (funny, compassionate, insightful... all great qualities, yes?) and I recommend you follow along with his adventures at his blog:

http://peaceloveandpancakes.blogspot.com/

I actually have a plane ticket there myself to visit him after my summer class in London finishes. The more I think about it, the crazier it seems to go, but I will jump at any excuse for international travel. I also wanted to see for myself the people and places that will no doubt be a big part of his life. And I already miss him even though his flight left about 12 minutes ago.

take that, modernity!

i was just talking with a friend about the rising rates of anxiety and depression and how i had heard a psychologist interviewed who claims that the problem isn't those people - it is actually a rational response to how messed up our society is and how much it encourages people to get busier and invest less in each other and think more about themselves.

luckily, my week has been filled with moments that were totally, purely joyful in the best possible sense. and they all had to do with being outside and being with people - just being. (we're not human doings, after all, we're human beings... or, if you ask ee cummings, human merely beings*). i got to sit on a beach and walk through the zoo and hang out at a park and have an awesome interview with a kid and it all feels so wholesome like a tall glass of ice water or freshly baked bread. sadly, there are many weeks when i spend more time watching TV or answering emails ... which ends up feeling like i just drank bacon grease or ate a dozen donuts. or both.

and then tonight, i got an email from one of my Janesville learners who lost her nephew in Haiti's earthquake. his name was Ben Larson and he was there working in a seminary and its orphanage. every article she has forwarded about him is amazing. this most recent one, however, moved me more than usual. i think it was because his idea was so simple and so loving and so grounded in bringing people of all different backgrounds together... what a legacy:

http://www.journalstar.com/news/local/article_16c96788-386c-11df-9fb8-001cc4c002e0.html?mode=story

how easy is that? take an hour and eat with people and talk with them and make soup and share it. get to know your neighbors. walk outside. sit on a bench. that is what spring is begging us to do.

*my favorite poem EVER

Par-tay!

I realize that I haven't posted anything about my birthday party yet, which was ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY AMAZING and likely to be one of my favorite nights ever. Here is a play-by-play:

6:30 - Rush over to Brocach, the Irish pub where tons of family and friends from every part of my life are waiting for me (Mandy from junior high/high school, Ann and Erin from college, Garcias, Swalwells, Dad and Karen, Abbey and Eric, Bobby, etc.)... those poor servers had their hands full

8:00 - Head over to the basement of the Argus where my best friends have helped set up food and decorations... including posters Dad made of pictures from every year of my life - yes, even god-awful ugly pictures like the huge blue glasses I had or the costume that makes me look like a leopard / hot dog creature with a penchant for sequins. You don't want to see it.

8:30 - Start dancing (which doesn't really stop for another several hours) - the band (Tani Diakite & Co.) was a Malian blues band that knocked my socks off. Both Dad and Rob played djembe with them. I was totally impressed with my friends' energy and willingness to dance like nobody's watching. That's pretty much all I did all night... I could have talked with everyone who came, but I mostly just smiled, waved, and kept dancing. The only time I stopped was to hear my dad give an incredible toast to me and our family welcoming everyone (several people told me later that they called their dads that night to tell them they loved them) and to blow out my candles on the GF/DF cake that Abbey had made for me. Amazing.

10:00 - Talk several of my girlfriends out of leaving their boyfriends for Robert given his incredible charm and unbelievably delicious guacamole (said one of my friends the next day: "If I had to choose to go to your party again or sit in a closet and eat that guac, I'd choose the guac").

11:00 - Start an ill-fated drinking contest with Robert every time the band leader says "Thank you!" ... let's just say that whenever I heard some say "Thank you" during the next week, I tasted gin and tonic.

12:00ish - Pack up and head home after the band finishes its grand finale. Best part of the drive home is Eric getting pulled over and being issued a ticket. The streets of Madison were so much safer, let me tell you. I have no doubt in my mind that Eric was the most sober person driving in Madison that night. It was ridiculous. I'm mostly just impressed that Rob and I kept our mouths shut. Eric, of course, was a perfect gentleman to a very misguided traffic officer.

6 am - Realize how bad an idea it was to get involved in a drinking contest with Robert. I realized this on half hour intervals for awhile, actually.

8 am - Get up with Abbey, Eric, and Rob to go over to the hotel so we can say goodbye to Garcias, Swalwells, and my Dad and Karen... I think I should win some sort of award for being able to actually accomplish the movement needed to do this. It was slow going, but worth it.

10 am - Rob makes me a delicious breakfast, we nap, and then drive to Milwaukee so he can catch his plane with a quick stop at Jamerica for a snack. What an incredible weekend.

Everyone who couldn't be there was definitely there in spirit. And I'm pretty sure I'll hire this band again for my graduation party... though instead of drinking gin and tonics every time Tani says "Thank you", I think I'll just give high fives.

Spring Has Sprung!

Aren't these pretty? The vase is from Karen - it's this cool ceramic pot with holes for each stem on the top. Red tulips are my favorite for it so far. I bought them to celebrate spring which has clearly sprung in Madison (I wore sandals and a cotton skirt yesterday! with no coat!) as well as to jazz the place up a bit since I have a roommate for March and April. Alice is from London and is a visiting scholar who needed a place to stay - since I'm hardly ever here, I offered her my spare room. Lois has welcomed her by peeing in several spots on the carpet, which is so generous of her. Sigh.

It's great having somebody else to come home to and cook dinners with. The accent is getting to me, though - I've started saying "Hiya!" in the morning like she does and reading everything I type with a British accent. It's weird, I'll be the first to admit. So far, it has shocked her how big all of our jars and cans of things are at the grocery store, how quick people are to abandon coats and shoes once the temperature breaks 50 degrees, and how Americans take doggy bags home with them from restaurants. Her favorite things about the US thus far, however, is reading the headlines on weather.com every morning: "Storm Shreds Northeast!", "Cyclone Slams Fuji!", "Temps Crash In Denver!" "They all sound like tag lines for horror movies," she remarked. She's right.

High Times In Evanston

I've been very delayed in getting up any posts - whether as gratitude logs or just a general recap of what's been going on lately. This lack of documentation is mostly due to my Chicago routine: Monday teach in Madison, Tuesday morning drive to Evanston and take the train into the city, take the train into Lincoln Park Wednesday and Thursday and Friday, Friday night drive back to Madison ... and then do it all again with a few weekends in Janesville thrown in for good measure. Lots of singing to music and car dancing. And no speeding tickets... yet.

I actually like the commute and kind of appreciate having parallel lives in these two places. It's also been great to get a taste of living in Chicago... which I looooovvvve. I'm actually not too crazy about Evanston, but am open to that opinion changing as the weather gets nicer. I'm only a few blocks from the lake and can't wait for the spring thaw for walks and jogs along the shore.

Here are a few of the recent highlights:

There's a cupcakery just a few blocks from my research site that serves (drumroll, please) gluten and dairy free cupcakes. Are you kidding me? Yes, I will give you $3.50 to taste the most decadent, rich, unbelievably scrumptious goodness ever. And yes, I will walk as fast as I can to sneak one in between classes. Almost every day. I also just stumbled across a gluten-free cafe in Evanston with the best bread I've ever had (no sugar - agave syrup instead and sprouted gluten-free grains... so nourishing). I also treated myself to a carrot muffin AND devoured an entire piece of GF/dairy-free cheeesecake in the four minutes it took to drive back to my place. It was not my proudest moment, but one of my most delicious.


This is the view from the living room at the condo where I'm staying. It's truly breath-taking and every sunset has been better than the last. I need to stop taking pictures with my phone, though... the reflection of a huge digital clock doesn't really add to the aesthetics.


This is taken (from my phone camera... not too shabby!) on the L tracks near the Fullerton stop on the Purple Line. More than anything else about Chicago, I love taking public transportation. First of all, no nap is quite as good as a train nap for 15 minutes in the middle of the day. Secondly, trains are the best place ever for people watching. You just have to remember that you're being watched, too.

The Big 3-0

I have been telling people I'm 30 for about 6 months because I was so excited, so February the 5th wasn't necessarily super-monumental. It was, however, still my birthday and I was missing my mom more than usual that day. On the early train ride into the city, a young man sat down next to me. He was adorable - picture Nick Cannon in a winter coat on the El.

I felt like he wanted to say something to me, but this is the rush hour commute. No one talks. They are professionals. He smiled at me, though, with the kindest eyes and asked about whether the purple line route would change in the upcoming budget cuts. We started to chat and he was incredibly warm and friendly. I learned about his job (investigating corruption charges for the Elections Board), his time in the military (a tour in Afghanistan), and his childhood (on the South side). We introduced ourselves and I told him that it was my favorite ride into the city yet. It wasn't until I was walking the block to the bus after we said goodbye that I realized it was the kind of heartwarming, genuine interaction my mom had with people all the time. As I got on the bus for the last leg of my commute, I smiled and got a little choked up thinking that maybe she had sent Darrell as a sign that she's with me on my birthday. As I thought this, I looked over and a school bus pulled up alongside us. The kids were laughing and singing and totally oblivious to the adults across from them. The one little girl across from me had a heart drawn into the dust of the window. I got a little choked up, but totally lost it as the bus pulled forward and one dust-heart became dozens (30, perhaps?) with the word "MOM" written smack-dab in the middle.

Yep. I cried on the city bus. And I cried about five more times that day just thinking about it and thinking about my wonderful mom who I miss so very much. As excited as I am to turn 30 (see ya, 20s) and as excited as I am for my birthday party next weekend, that day has become the day I mourn my mom the most... and that's not necessarily a bad thing, especially when I have special moments like that.

Bye Bye, Naperville... Hello, Evanston!

I had such a wonderful fall semester for many reasons... good times with Abbey and Eric, ridiculous dates with my little cousins (like the afternoon Gwen and I spent creating the ugliest possible Mii characters on the Wii),

and fairy tale-like nights in the city going to the best restaurants, plays, and sports events. Check out how gorgeous Union Station looked at Christmas during my last train ride home in 2009:


Now I'm in Evanston staying with a friend while I collect data from a school in the city. Yesterday was my first day and I was quite proud of myself for taking the purple line and making a connection with bus #22 to get from Northwestern all the way down to Lincoln Park. Let's hear it for public transit! (Though CTA is going to have to cut services basically in half because of budget cuts... ugh). So far, things are going great. My friend and I used to work together out east and we got along really well. I can't tell you how hard I laughed when I saw his baby picture in the living room:


Yep. That's him. How ridiculous is that picture??? The hair. The suit. The little strut. Seriously.

Here's to a new phase of the study and to keeping my eye on the dissertation prize! Stay focused!

Worst Days Have A Way of Bringing Out the Best

You know when you have a day that you can't wait to end so you can just start fresh tomorrow? That is today for me. It could be worse. It could be much, much worse... but being sick in the wee hours of the morning (like shivers, cramps, needing to be in the bathroom for multiple reasons, etc.), then having romantic hopes challenged, then worrying that your cat might be dead (she's fine), then finding out your car battery has died and the hood is both broken and partially frozen shut is enough for one day, thank you very much.

However, at every step of the way, I encountered kindness and compassion: pulling back my hair and finding medicine and rubbing my back while I was sick, phone calls with supportive friends and soup from sister to listen to woes, buddies willing to go out of their way to check on Lois, and a neighbor and brother-in-law who stay outside in the freezing cold with a crowbar to jimmy open a broken latch. Thank you!!! Interactions with me today provided ample opportunity for karma bonus points.

Is that a silver lining, or what?

Happy New Year

October??? Is that really the last time I posted? This blog started as a way to be grateful on a daily basis and evolved a bit to capture snippets of my life. It's amazing how the specifics of many fleeting moments are forgotten, but are what builds a life. Here are some of the highlights from '09...

COSTLIEST DAY
The costliest day of '08 was separated by the costliest day of '09 by only a few months and both involved automobiles. My Corolla needed repairs after I ran a stop sign and then, in March, I rented a car while in Seattle and got a rather pricey speeding ticket. Wince. I think I should do more walking this year.

CRAZIEST DAY
That would be a couple of months ago when I was able to hear Howard Zinn speak, then DROVE WITH HIM IN A CAR where I got to TALK TO HIM ABOUT MY RESEARCH and chit chat about much more interesting and important things like his family, visited Emma Goldman's grave with him and got personal stories from him about many of her permanent neighbors, stopped off at the coolest bookstore I've ever been in on the U of C's campus, then ate a fabulous gourmet dinner at a certain UIC education professor's house who became quite famous during the '08 Presidential campaign. And then a great date night at an Argentinian cafe where we ate large quantities of all kinds of meat and drank wine for hours. What. A. Day.


BEST DECISION
To stay in Madison for the summer. I used to love Madison, but this summer I fell in love with that amazing city. I'll probably gallavant again this summer a bit and move to Chicago sooner than later, but we'll always have the summer of '09, my dear City of the Lakes.

HIGHEST MOMENT
That would be on the top of Mt.Evans... about 15,000 feet? Am I making that up? Ahh, the sign says 14,000. Let's round up. Viva los Montadores! If I'm talking about pride, though, I would have to say becoming a dissertator. It's not even the academic, intellectual work that has been so challenging - it's definitely the paperwork and bureaucratic hoops.


LOWEST MOMENT
Literally, when I laid on the floor writhing in pain because of some mysterious shoulder injury that likely occurred because of typing up my prelims for hours in a row in a super uncomfortable chair. Thanks, grad school. Also, "lowest" as in "least proud" would probably be calling the TV station when The Bachelorette was interrupted by weather reports.

MOST INSPIRING PERSON
My little sister who kicks ass. There's no other way to say it. I have witnessed her commitment to fitness firsthand and am actually trying to live up to her example a bit. We'll see.


FAVORITE NEW TRADITION
This is a toss-up... I love the monthly dinners I've been having with three of the best girlfriends anyone could ask for. I also love the evolution of my family's Christmas traditions with the idea of a "theme". First year, gifts that start with the letter of the recipients' first names... second year, colors. This year was regions of the country. Dad and Karen got Maine-lobsters, Abbey got rainboots, and Eric got an LL Bean sweater (and a super fun new card game called "Moose in the House" - totally recommend it).

TOUGHEST GOODBYE
Not getting to see my family (the Swalwells East clan and the Chicago Hendersons) on a regular basis. Hopefully, it's just a temporary good-bye. Also tough was my friends Heather, Dave, Alexa, and Ana Maria moving away. One of the bummers of Madison is that people are always leaving (but new people are always coming, too). Oh, and dairy. Bye, dairy.

The most recent This American Life episode was about predictions for the new year - things we know for sure will happen. I'm not sure there are any clear moments coming up... my Janesville learning community will graduate and my data collection will be done. Aside from that, I know that I will be surrounded by amazing family and friends. Nice to meet you, 2010!